Respecting boundaries & approaching difficult subjects

Hello everyone!

Todays post is on respecting boundaries & approaching sensitive subjects. There are always going to be situations in life where things have the potential to go very wrong if not handled carefully (the types of situations I am referring to are things like relationship & communications between families, couples & friends). We are all guilty of handling things badly occasionaly, & as a result certain issues can go unresolved & even get worse.

Life isn't perfect. We're all at some stage going to have arguments with those around us. Whether it's family or friends not respecting your privacy, someone who wants everything their own way, your friends, family or partner not respecting your choices- you get the idea. I will be the first to admit that I don't take kindly to people pushing me about. After years of being bullied I have learnt to stand up for myself & how to approach situations, & I want to share some tips on how to avoid nasty confrontations & dealing with problems.

- Don't lose your temper. It sounds stupid but shouting & swearing doesn't fix a problem. If someone has upset you then think about what you want to say to them, don't just go in all guns blazing. Look them in the eye & tell them as calmly as you can that you don't like what they have said/done & tell them how it has made you feel.

- Be honest. If someone thinks they are doing something for your own good but you don't want them to then politely tell them you appreciate the gesture but you wish to do it your way.

- Think before you act. If someone is doing something in a way you think isn't right then don't just go in & take over or start telling them how to do it. Alot of the time what suits one person may not suit another & just because it's not the way you would do it doesn't mean it is wrong. In the event where what that person is doing could be harmful or detrimental to them or others then gently approach the subject & tell them your concerns- they may have no idea what they were doing was bad or wrong.

- Take a look at yourself before criticising others. We all have faults & being hypocritical is common- someone will happily criticize someone else whilst they themselves are also at fault or doing something wrong.

- Respect someones privacy. If they have asked you not to become involved then don't get offended- this is their problem/ issue/ decision & by involving yourself against their wishes or without asking them has the potential to cause problems. Equally, if someone is getting involved in things of yours that don't concern or affect them then politely but firmly tell them to please stay out & not get involved. If they continue then be firm (not rude) & tell them straight- "This is none of your business, please stay out of it".

- Be careful on bringing personal subjects up. If someone is doing something or behaving in an inappropriate way then they may not realise they are doing it. Examples of this could be embarrassing or inappropriate behaviour, offensive actions or behaviour, poor attitude, disrespectful or rude behaviour, poor personal hygeine or scruffy appearence that is detrimental to themselves and offensive to those around them, or things that they are doing that have the potential to cause them harm or get them bullied. Sit the person down on their own & tell them that you have concerns & ask them if they knew that there was a problem. Give them some friendly pointers on how to rectify the problem.

- Set boundaries. If someone is getting too close for comfort, trying to control things or generally not respecting your privacy or wishes then tell them honestly that you're uncomfortable with this & you would appreciate it if they just stepped back.

- Compromise. You can't always have your own way & equally you shouldn't just give in all of the time. Everyone is entitled to an opinion & you have to allow someone to put their opinions forward as well as having your say.

- Don't 'gang up' on someone or involve others. Two or more people against one person isn't fair & that person can feel outspoken or afraid to speak if people are ganging up on them.

- Speak for yourself. If someone has overstepped the mark then tell them how you feel yourself. Asking others to 'have a word' can make things worse & the truth can get twisted.

- Be honest. Lying or playing things down/up can make things worse. Equally, don't be nasty with the facts as this can really hurt the other person.

- Are they worth it? If someone repeatedly does things to upset, hurt or annoy you then it may be time to consider disassociating yourself from them or asking them to keep their distance. Tell them firmly that you don't want to be hurt anymore & if they won't stop then you don't want to be around them. If this isn't an option then you may have to involve someone who can stop that person from doing what they are doing.

So there we have it. This may not work for everyone but I hope this was useful. Thanks for reading :)
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For questions, suggestions, comments & opinions email me at:
dollytrolley1994@gmail.com