The youtube bum-pinching prank... & why it's not funny!

***WARNING- contains some slightly strong language & graphic/upsetting themes***

Hello everyone,

This one is going to be a bit of a rant I'm afraid, but it's on a subject that thousands of people are now extremely pissed off at. As many of you may have seen, a very well-known Youtuber has recently posted a prank video & because of the bad-taste of the prank, it's caused one big blow-up. I am talking about a video where said Youtuber is going round & touching/pinching womens backsides.

He does this by wearing a baggy hoodie with one of his arms concealed inside. The arm of the hoodie is made to look like he has his hand in his pocket. He pretends to ask these women for directions, distracting them. Meantime, he reaches out of the hoodie & pinches the woman's bum, blaming it on passers by. The first woman backs away when she realises, saying "I don't like that". The other women all back away & hurry off. He even has the cheek to try & hug them.

After looking at this youtubers videos, & some of the comments, the general opinion is that, to be honest he is a total arsehole. He treats women like meat (also see his video on adding random girls on instagram then calling them "instawhores"). Sadly, he's amongst the millions of arrogant bastards that treat women like shit & think it's funny.

I am by no means a feminist.  I don't go for all of this burn-your-bra, we-hate-all-men saga. No. But I am a firm believer that women should have the right to be treated with just as much respect as men. As a victim of abuse in the past, I have been physically harmed (badly on several ocassions, some even leaving permanent scarring & damage) & made to feel degraded, worthless & scared by 2 of the men that I had past relationships with (I'll be doing a post soon on abusive relationships). I know how it feels to have my dignity, safety & well-being violated, as well as my feelings & opinions simply dismissed as irrelevant & not worth being heard. Before I met my wonderful fiance, I was convinced I was worthless & that my life really was not worth living. Luckily though, he has shown me differently & now I feel valued & happy.

Part of the problem that women in society face nowadays is that they are branded with vile names over the simplest of things. If a woman wears a short skirt, or shows a little cleavage, she is instantly called a slut or a whore. Men can sleep with as many women as they want & be called "lads" & receive praise from their friends. Yet the minute a girl sleeps with a few men she gets called a tramp, or a dirty slag.

The term "Lad" itself, that men often use just sums up their behaviour- immature, childish & moronic. The men who use this term are the same men who often refer to girlfriends or women as their "bitch" or "wench". Phrases such as "get back in the kitchen" are often said, almost as if women are just worthless skivvies, only good enough to do dirty work. In the same sense, these men talk about "shagging random birds" or "fucking their missus", like they need to prove their masculinity by using vulgar & almost juvenile language & descriptions.

Like I said earlier, I suffered abuse at the hands of 2 ex boyfriends. These men thought it their right to harm me in ways you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Because they were bigger & more powerful than me, I was told to keep my mouth shut, or else. I was told that I had to accept it, & that I deserved to be punished (one of these exes broke three of my ribs for changing my hair colour without his "permission"). They made me feel like whether I liked it or not, they owned me & I just had to accept their behaviour.

On the video in question, another extremely well-known Youtuber posted a very poignant comment. She stated: "I expect my comment is going to get deleted but for the few mins/hours it will get, I'm saying it. It really saddens me that my Daughter is growing up in a world where one day a stranger (male OR female) could touch her without her consent, on a part of her body that is private (in my opinion)  in the name of 'comedy' and then have thousands of other strangers comment on it saying it's fine and she should be Ok with it. Maybe she would find it funny, maybe she would be deeply humiliated. Point is, she'd have no choice. I want my Daughter to have freedom and choices and feel that her body is respected".

This comment bought tears to my eyes. I love watching this particular Youtuber's videos. Her daughter is obviously a well-loved & happy little girl, & her mother is a funny, honest & lovely person who's videos are followed by an army of millions of loyal fans. Although I am not a mother, & may never be due to my health issues, I completely related to this comment. If I had a child it would sicken me to think that they could be victim to inappropriate conduct & made to feel humiliated with no choice, all in the name of a stupid prank.

Of course, there is a flipside too- men can equally become victim to inappropriate & humiliating conduct. A college course that I was briefly enrolled on proved this. Often, the girls would say awful things about men, use vulgar language to brag about sexual experiences, & often try to completely shift blame away from themselves to make them look like victims.

It saddens me to think that there are some vile people who truly believe that they have the right to violate someones privacy. They get off on laughing at peoples misery, & making them feel uncomfortable, acting like that person should just shut up & deal with it. The main reason why this video has upset me so much is because of that sort of behaviour being allowed to happen, & even encouraged. The fact that these women also now have the embarrassment of it being all over Youtube makes it worse so. Even in social situations I have been made to feel like I should think it normal for someone to disrespect me, & it is so unbelievably wrong.

I know that this post will probably have little impact on these so-called "lads" & "pranksters". Some will probably read this & laugh, & maybe even post abusive comments. If they were asked why they behave like this, the response would probably be "Because I can" or "I think it's funny" or "Because the girls I do it to are sluts & would do anything". It's sad really, because they feel the need to assert their dominace & gain respect by humiliation & causing misery to others.

The one main thing I noticed about the girls in this video who were victim to this prank, was
that they were all very similar. They were all wearing short skirts or revealing outfits & had lots of skin on show, they were all wearing lots of makeup with nicely done hair. They all had model-type bodies & were well groomed. He didn't choose to target other women- there were no bigger built women who fell victim to this sick prank. There were no girls that didn't have makeup on, or girls wearing baggy clothes targeted. They were all walking alone, & were good enough to stop & think they were just helping a lost passer-by, blind as to what was going to happen.

The women targeted were probably all just regular women. Some may have boyfriends or husbands, some may have girlfriends or wives. Some may have had children. They may have never experienced sexual contact before. Some might have experienced abuse in the past. Just because they were dressed they way they were, or had certain attributes, they unknowingly were being targeted & having their bums, a private & intimate area, touched, without even being asked or consenting to it.

This typically chauvinistic behaviour is seen as normal amongst like-minded persons. Lots of these men say rape is wrong, yet happily judge & degrade women. This prank is nothing more than sexual assualt. These women were victims, with no knowledge of what was going to happen. I can Imagine that most of them walked away feeling violated & scared, & now have the added humiliation that thousands & thousands of people have watched this awful & disgusting act, & knowing that there are people find it funny.

On a positive note though, as I have been writing this post, I have read that this video has been removed from Youtube. There are so many response videos being put up- many by men, stating how un-funny & appalling this video is. It's people like this youtuber & all of the other so-called "Lads" really let the side down for men. There are so many wonderful, good men in the world. Men who treat women with respect, men who don't feel the need to assert their "masculinity" by degrading & preying on women. Men who have a sense of decency & discipline. I am glad my fiancee is one of these men. There have been so many angry, upset comments from fans. He has been slammed as a "Pervert" & a "Sexual predator". Many have voiced opinions that these women should come forward & have charges pressed. Hopefully some will.

Because the video has also been edited, it is not known just how many women have fallen for this awful prank. It doesn't show any of the women getting angry- but you can almost guarantee that there were women who did get angry. Some of them may have even reacted by giving him a well-deserved slap. Some may have ran away, screamed, cried, gotten extremely scared... we just don't know.

One thing's for sure though, his Youtube career has been compromised, his reputation ruined. He will probably face alot of backlash too- maybe losing friends, angering or disappointing family members, his future relationship chances may be slim, he may even end up with a criminal record (we should hope so too), that will affect future job applications, & so much more. All for the sake of a stupid, mindless & perverted prank.

Thanks for reading everyone. I hope you enjoyed it- feel free to comment below :)

Respecting boundaries & approaching difficult subjects

Hello everyone!

Todays post is on respecting boundaries & approaching sensitive subjects. There are always going to be situations in life where things have the potential to go very wrong if not handled carefully (the types of situations I am referring to are things like relationship & communications between families, couples & friends). We are all guilty of handling things badly occasionaly, & as a result certain issues can go unresolved & even get worse.

Life isn't perfect. We're all at some stage going to have arguments with those around us. Whether it's family or friends not respecting your privacy, someone who wants everything their own way, your friends, family or partner not respecting your choices- you get the idea. I will be the first to admit that I don't take kindly to people pushing me about. After years of being bullied I have learnt to stand up for myself & how to approach situations, & I want to share some tips on how to avoid nasty confrontations & dealing with problems.

- Don't lose your temper. It sounds stupid but shouting & swearing doesn't fix a problem. If someone has upset you then think about what you want to say to them, don't just go in all guns blazing. Look them in the eye & tell them as calmly as you can that you don't like what they have said/done & tell them how it has made you feel.

- Be honest. If someone thinks they are doing something for your own good but you don't want them to then politely tell them you appreciate the gesture but you wish to do it your way.

- Think before you act. If someone is doing something in a way you think isn't right then don't just go in & take over or start telling them how to do it. Alot of the time what suits one person may not suit another & just because it's not the way you would do it doesn't mean it is wrong. In the event where what that person is doing could be harmful or detrimental to them or others then gently approach the subject & tell them your concerns- they may have no idea what they were doing was bad or wrong.

- Take a look at yourself before criticising others. We all have faults & being hypocritical is common- someone will happily criticize someone else whilst they themselves are also at fault or doing something wrong.

- Respect someones privacy. If they have asked you not to become involved then don't get offended- this is their problem/ issue/ decision & by involving yourself against their wishes or without asking them has the potential to cause problems. Equally, if someone is getting involved in things of yours that don't concern or affect them then politely but firmly tell them to please stay out & not get involved. If they continue then be firm (not rude) & tell them straight- "This is none of your business, please stay out of it".

- Be careful on bringing personal subjects up. If someone is doing something or behaving in an inappropriate way then they may not realise they are doing it. Examples of this could be embarrassing or inappropriate behaviour, offensive actions or behaviour, poor attitude, disrespectful or rude behaviour, poor personal hygeine or scruffy appearence that is detrimental to themselves and offensive to those around them, or things that they are doing that have the potential to cause them harm or get them bullied. Sit the person down on their own & tell them that you have concerns & ask them if they knew that there was a problem. Give them some friendly pointers on how to rectify the problem.

- Set boundaries. If someone is getting too close for comfort, trying to control things or generally not respecting your privacy or wishes then tell them honestly that you're uncomfortable with this & you would appreciate it if they just stepped back.

- Compromise. You can't always have your own way & equally you shouldn't just give in all of the time. Everyone is entitled to an opinion & you have to allow someone to put their opinions forward as well as having your say.

- Don't 'gang up' on someone or involve others. Two or more people against one person isn't fair & that person can feel outspoken or afraid to speak if people are ganging up on them.

- Speak for yourself. If someone has overstepped the mark then tell them how you feel yourself. Asking others to 'have a word' can make things worse & the truth can get twisted.

- Be honest. Lying or playing things down/up can make things worse. Equally, don't be nasty with the facts as this can really hurt the other person.

- Are they worth it? If someone repeatedly does things to upset, hurt or annoy you then it may be time to consider disassociating yourself from them or asking them to keep their distance. Tell them firmly that you don't want to be hurt anymore & if they won't stop then you don't want to be around them. If this isn't an option then you may have to involve someone who can stop that person from doing what they are doing.

So there we have it. This may not work for everyone but I hope this was useful. Thanks for reading :)
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For questions, suggestions, comments & opinions email me at:
dollytrolley1994@gmail.com