It's been a while!!!

Hello everyone!

Wow, it's been a long time since I was on here last! I've been meaning to write an update for some time now but things have been unbelievably stressful & busy, & I just haven't had time. Alot has happened in the last few months, & I have had alot on my plate. Many things haven't gone as planned & there have been alot of unexpected things that have needed to be dealt with. So this is going to be a bit of a long one today as I update you on what has been happening!

Firstly, a health update. Things haven't been great health-wise, & I've been finding that I'm struggling more as time goes on. I'm finding that most of the time I'm exhausted by simple tasks, & pain will often stop me from doing things. For a while I've been trying to fight off a rather nasty kidney & urinary infection, & have had several courses of strong antibiotics, which haven't helped. My new GP has made the decision to refer me to a urologist, as he feels that this needs to be looked into. One of his concerns is that this could be endometriosis related. Due to the fact that I have already got endo on the outside of my bladder, he is worried that the endo could well have penetrated inside my bladder, & also possibly be spreading to my kidneys & urethral tubes.

I've got an appointment with the urologist in March (it was originally scheduled for this month but it clashed with another appointment). Hopefully this will lead to some answers. Secondly I've been given a referral to pain management. The purpose of this is mainly to discuss other ways that may help me to cope with the pain, such as nerve blocks, acupuncture & therapies. From a medication point of view, my GP & myself are happy that I am managing my medications fine, as even though I am on alot of very strong painkillers, that I know what works for me.

I've also been put back under the care of the bowel team, for further investigations & possible treatment. During the colonoscopy I had a few months ago, it was found that the endo had penetrated into my bowel. More tests are needed to see if there are any other problems lurking, & decisions need to be made on the best course of action.

In myself, as I said before, things seem to be taking it's toll. I've noticed my stomach hurts more, & this urinary/kidney infection has been taking its toll. Simple tasks tire me out & I often need to sleep for long periods of time.

As for a general life update, things have been pretty hectic. Sadly, for several reasons, me & my man had the hard decision of postponing the wedding. Because neither of us are very well, it was too much strain to deal with at the moment & we both decided to wait until things have calmed down. However we're still very happy together & I still feel very lucky to have him in my life.

Christmas was a very busy & stressful time. Over the actual Christmas period, we had a lovely week up North with my family, & visited all of our family members as well as making lots of memories. Christmas day was particularly important this year, as it was probably the last Christmas I would get to spend with my Granddad.

The big stressful part came after that week- we had to go & spend 2 weeks with my mans family, which neither of us enjoyed. I won't say much about it but needless to say there are certain things that really wound us both up, & some people need to realise that they are not the only ones with lives to lead! Much of the visit was tainted by nastiness, backstabbing, arguments & uncalled for behaviour, & getting home was a huge releif!

Now we are in 2015, most people have made their New Years Resolutions (& probably broken them). It sounds strange but this year I didn't make a New Years Resolution. This wasn't through fear of breaking it or not being able to carry it out, but because none of us can forsee what life has in store for us. I just want to be able to take things as they happen. I have plans for things I want to do, obviously, & with a bit of luck they will happen. But as 2014 proved to be unpredictable, I want to be able to just take things as they happen.

So there we have it! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas & here's to a happy new year!!!

Jes xxx

Keeping sane

Hello everyone,

This is just going to be a quick, lighthearted post. We all go through those times when it just seems like life is whizzing past, you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, & everything is rapidly descending into chaos. Yes, that's what I'm feeling like at the moment. We often find in these times that we forget to just take a step back, relax & smell the roses. But most people don't realise what they miss when they don't take the time to just enjoy things. I find that some me-time, an hour or so at the end of the day, keeps me sane in times like this.

My "me-time" usually takes place at night, when I can just relax & put my feet up. It's also the time when I am least likely to be interrupted- my man is playing on the Xbox, my parents are watching telly & my brother is out. It's great. During that time I choose to do things that are just relaxing, don't require much effort & help me to switch off. I have alot of problems sleeping as it is, & find that if I do things before bed that require alot of thought or get me wound up/excited, it makes this worse. These little things keep me sane & give me an escape from the busyness of life:

1) Music- this is such an important thing to me. Some people are often only interested in one or two genres, but I love so many genres & don't restrict myself to just one. I like to explore new artists & just listen to the songs & often find ones that really have alot of meaning. One particular artist who's music I am really loving at the moment is Gotye (for those who don't know who he is, he sang "Somebody that I used to know"). His songs are just so well performed, with meaningful lyrics & very creative backing music. He's certainly not your average popstar- his music isn't full of violence, sex or the other nonsense that modern music is filled with (you certainly wouldn't hear crap such as "Oh my Gosh, look at her butt" in his lyrics). It's very calming & just different. I love the videos too- often very surreal & artistic, but they paint a picture & represent stories. Amazing & really does help me to relax.

2) Pictures of amazing places, animals & generally interesting or funny things- Since I have joined Google+, I have seen some really awesome posts. There is one page in partivcular that I follow called Diply. Whenever I look at my feed, I always see a new picture that makes
me smile- baby animals, flowers, stunning views, cool gadgets. It really brings home just what you could see if you just took a step back for a minute & looked.

3) Small kindnesses- The smallest kind actions mean alot. Whether it's someone holding a door open for you, or an offer of a cuppa, it can really make a world of difference. My lovely man & dad are working hard at the moment to renovate mine & my mans room. I appreciate this so much as the extra storage will be a big help. My mum was lovely enough earlier to make me some proper honey & lemon tea as I still have this yucky cold. The simple act of her saying "Here, I made you this, it will help" really boosted my mood. It's little things like this that restore my faith that people still know how to be kind to others.

4) Crafts & hobbies- I'm not talking clay pigeon shooting or restoring old cars. Because of my poor health I often find I can't do physically demanding activities. I love knitting & often find that it is relaxing as it is so simple & doesn't require huge amounts of concentration. At the moment I am working on a shawl for when it gets cold that I can wrap around my shoulders.

So there we go! Just a few simple little things I can do when I just need to relax. What is your favourite thing that helps you unwind? Comments below or feel free to email me at: dollytrolley1994@gmail.com

Thanks for reading!
Xxx

Ill again, bad news & big plans

Hello everyone,

It's been a while since I last posted, but things have been a bit crazy. This hasn't been the best of months for me- I've been very poorly, we've had some bad news in the family, my bedroom is being renovated & I am now running round trying to organise a wedding. Yes, that's right, I'm getting married- IN A MONTHS TIME! I'll explain this all in a minute as all of this fits together, & you'll be able to understand it more.

So first things first- I really have not been very well at all. This month has been a bad one as my tummy is constantly in pain, I've been having frequent bowel spasms (they hurt so much!) & I've been generally tired & run down. Last week I was having some problems weeing & pain in my kidneys, so I went to the doctor. They found blood in my wee as well as infection so I am now on more antibiotics & possibly need to have some tests (due to the fact that the doc thinks the endo could be causing trouble). To top that off I also have a yucky cold. I had a phonecall from the hospital as I have now been referred to a new bowel specialist (finally). They want me to have a colonoscopy on the 11th of next month to see whats going on in my bowels, so at least that is moving along at last!

Secondly- my bedroom being renovated. I'm really excited about this as me & my other half are getting some lovely fitted wardrobes, a new bed & some nice new furniture. Even though we've had to clear EVERYTHING out of our room (sleeping on an airbed in an empty room makes me feel a bit like a squatter lol), it will be worth it. We've had a good de-clutter & I've gotten rid of lots of old clothes, & it means we will have plenty more storage space. Hopefully it will be finished by Friday so fingers crossed!

Thirdly- the bad news. The whole family is very upset at the moment. At the beginning of the year, my granddad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It was thought that it was treatable, but sadly now they have found a very aggressive cancerous lump at the base of his skull. We've been told that it's unlikely he will last until Christmas. Growing up, I only had one set of Grandparents. My dads parents died when I was a baby so my mums parents had to do the job of 2 sets of grandparents. They are the most amazing, kindest & generous people you could meet, & the fact that we are now going to lose one of them is devastating.

So this leads onto the final thing- a wedding. Me & my other half have been planning to get married for over a year now, but illness & other things have gotten in the way. But now that my granddad is dying, this has given us a wakeup call. I want my granddad at my wedding, & we are going up North on Saturday to see a hotel venue who will do a package. They've told us that all we will need to do is get outfits, the marriage licence, the guest list & the rings sorted. They will do the rest. I am under no illusion that it will be that simple, but the family are all willing to do whatever they can. I had a conversation with my brother & it really bought home why I was doing this- he told me that if I didn't have my granddad there I would be more upset on my wedding day & wouldn't enjoy it as much. He also said that this would be the crowning event of my granddads life & one last happy memory that we would have with him.

My other half agreed with this & we know that this will be the happiest day of our life, made even more important because it's probably going to be my last big life milestone that my granddad will be there for. It won't be easy to pull off but where there is a will, there is a way. I don't want it to be big fat gypsy weddings, & I am not a bridezilla. I don't want it to be one of these days where I am stressing out because my hair isn't perfect or the  napkins are  royal blue instead of sapphire blue. As long as I am married & everyone enjoys themselves, I know it will be a lovely day.

So there you have it. I will be doing regular updates (when I have the time) & with a bit of luck, by the 23rd of next month, I will be married! Thankyou for reading :) xxx

My decision to have my fiancee's name tattooed on me...

Hello everyone,

Well I've had a busy couple of weeks. I've been away visiting my in-laws & now I've come down with a very nasty chest infection/pluerisy type thing which has nearly hospitalised me (more on that later). In my last post I metioned that I'd had a new tattoo & said that I would be doing a post about it.

Tattoos are still very much a controversial subject. Love them or hate them, they are seen everywhere nowadays. Years ago, people would have been shocked if someone with a full sleeve or bodysuit walked past them but now its seen as the norm. I am a tattoo lover. Since I was about 10 I've always wanted tattoos. To me, tattoos are a way of adorning your body, & if they are done well, they can be beautiful works of art.

The tattoo that I have just had done (well... completed) is something that is still a particularly taboo subject. I have been with my fiancee since April 2012 (since I was 17). One day in December 2012 we walked into a local tattoo parlour. I had his name tattooed on my back in small letters & he had my name & the word "Forever" put on his upper arm in considerably larger letters.

At this point several of you are probably gasping & thinking "Oh my God I would never do that" or "That was a stupid thing to do" or "What if they broke up?". Alot of the people I knew said the same. I had planned to have a heart & banner put around mine too but didn't have the cash at the time. However that was what I recently had done.

I am not going to sit here & feel like I have to defend my decision. Why should I? Yes, alot of people are going to want, as the saying goes "Their five pennorths worth of opinion" but at the end of the day it was my choice. It's my body & life is too short to think "What if" or "I might regret this". I love my fiancee & am marrying him because we want to spend our lives together. Marriage & relationships nowadays are often based around planning for a grim "in the event that it goes wrong". It shouldn't be about that. Relationships should be based on love & the will to make things work without having to worry about if's, but's & maybe's.

If something was ever to happen between me & my other half (unlikely as everyone says we're like one of these old married couples you see who still hold hands in their 70's lol) then I'd still not regret my decision. It would be there to remind me of all of the lovely, happy memories we have together. It may sound like I'm bragging & going on but I'm not. I think the key to our relationship is honesty & trust. We talk through our problems & support each other. My partner is patient, kind & honest, & in return I try to be the same for him.

His name on my body makes me feel like he really is a part of me & shows how big a part of my life he is. Probably sounds cheesy lol but it's true. He says he feels the same about my name being on him & I know that neither of us are going to live to regret it. Like I said, people will have their arguments but that is their cross to bear & I'm not going to let "what if's" get in the way of my happiness.

I'd love to know if anyone else has experienced something like this & how they feel about it. Thanks for reading :) xxx
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For questions, suggestions, opinions & comments, feel free to either comment below or email me at:
dollytrolley1994@gmail.com :)