It's been a while!!!

Hello everyone!

Wow, it's been a long time since I was on here last! I've been meaning to write an update for some time now but things have been unbelievably stressful & busy, & I just haven't had time. Alot has happened in the last few months, & I have had alot on my plate. Many things haven't gone as planned & there have been alot of unexpected things that have needed to be dealt with. So this is going to be a bit of a long one today as I update you on what has been happening!

Firstly, a health update. Things haven't been great health-wise, & I've been finding that I'm struggling more as time goes on. I'm finding that most of the time I'm exhausted by simple tasks, & pain will often stop me from doing things. For a while I've been trying to fight off a rather nasty kidney & urinary infection, & have had several courses of strong antibiotics, which haven't helped. My new GP has made the decision to refer me to a urologist, as he feels that this needs to be looked into. One of his concerns is that this could be endometriosis related. Due to the fact that I have already got endo on the outside of my bladder, he is worried that the endo could well have penetrated inside my bladder, & also possibly be spreading to my kidneys & urethral tubes.

I've got an appointment with the urologist in March (it was originally scheduled for this month but it clashed with another appointment). Hopefully this will lead to some answers. Secondly I've been given a referral to pain management. The purpose of this is mainly to discuss other ways that may help me to cope with the pain, such as nerve blocks, acupuncture & therapies. From a medication point of view, my GP & myself are happy that I am managing my medications fine, as even though I am on alot of very strong painkillers, that I know what works for me.

I've also been put back under the care of the bowel team, for further investigations & possible treatment. During the colonoscopy I had a few months ago, it was found that the endo had penetrated into my bowel. More tests are needed to see if there are any other problems lurking, & decisions need to be made on the best course of action.

In myself, as I said before, things seem to be taking it's toll. I've noticed my stomach hurts more, & this urinary/kidney infection has been taking its toll. Simple tasks tire me out & I often need to sleep for long periods of time.

As for a general life update, things have been pretty hectic. Sadly, for several reasons, me & my man had the hard decision of postponing the wedding. Because neither of us are very well, it was too much strain to deal with at the moment & we both decided to wait until things have calmed down. However we're still very happy together & I still feel very lucky to have him in my life.

Christmas was a very busy & stressful time. Over the actual Christmas period, we had a lovely week up North with my family, & visited all of our family members as well as making lots of memories. Christmas day was particularly important this year, as it was probably the last Christmas I would get to spend with my Granddad.

The big stressful part came after that week- we had to go & spend 2 weeks with my mans family, which neither of us enjoyed. I won't say much about it but needless to say there are certain things that really wound us both up, & some people need to realise that they are not the only ones with lives to lead! Much of the visit was tainted by nastiness, backstabbing, arguments & uncalled for behaviour, & getting home was a huge releif!

Now we are in 2015, most people have made their New Years Resolutions (& probably broken them). It sounds strange but this year I didn't make a New Years Resolution. This wasn't through fear of breaking it or not being able to carry it out, but because none of us can forsee what life has in store for us. I just want to be able to take things as they happen. I have plans for things I want to do, obviously, & with a bit of luck they will happen. But as 2014 proved to be unpredictable, I want to be able to just take things as they happen.

So there we have it! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas & here's to a happy new year!!!

Jes xxx

My decision to have my fiancee's name tattooed on me...

Hello everyone,

Well I've had a busy couple of weeks. I've been away visiting my in-laws & now I've come down with a very nasty chest infection/pluerisy type thing which has nearly hospitalised me (more on that later). In my last post I metioned that I'd had a new tattoo & said that I would be doing a post about it.

Tattoos are still very much a controversial subject. Love them or hate them, they are seen everywhere nowadays. Years ago, people would have been shocked if someone with a full sleeve or bodysuit walked past them but now its seen as the norm. I am a tattoo lover. Since I was about 10 I've always wanted tattoos. To me, tattoos are a way of adorning your body, & if they are done well, they can be beautiful works of art.

The tattoo that I have just had done (well... completed) is something that is still a particularly taboo subject. I have been with my fiancee since April 2012 (since I was 17). One day in December 2012 we walked into a local tattoo parlour. I had his name tattooed on my back in small letters & he had my name & the word "Forever" put on his upper arm in considerably larger letters.

At this point several of you are probably gasping & thinking "Oh my God I would never do that" or "That was a stupid thing to do" or "What if they broke up?". Alot of the people I knew said the same. I had planned to have a heart & banner put around mine too but didn't have the cash at the time. However that was what I recently had done.

I am not going to sit here & feel like I have to defend my decision. Why should I? Yes, alot of people are going to want, as the saying goes "Their five pennorths worth of opinion" but at the end of the day it was my choice. It's my body & life is too short to think "What if" or "I might regret this". I love my fiancee & am marrying him because we want to spend our lives together. Marriage & relationships nowadays are often based around planning for a grim "in the event that it goes wrong". It shouldn't be about that. Relationships should be based on love & the will to make things work without having to worry about if's, but's & maybe's.

If something was ever to happen between me & my other half (unlikely as everyone says we're like one of these old married couples you see who still hold hands in their 70's lol) then I'd still not regret my decision. It would be there to remind me of all of the lovely, happy memories we have together. It may sound like I'm bragging & going on but I'm not. I think the key to our relationship is honesty & trust. We talk through our problems & support each other. My partner is patient, kind & honest, & in return I try to be the same for him.

His name on my body makes me feel like he really is a part of me & shows how big a part of my life he is. Probably sounds cheesy lol but it's true. He says he feels the same about my name being on him & I know that neither of us are going to live to regret it. Like I said, people will have their arguments but that is their cross to bear & I'm not going to let "what if's" get in the way of my happiness.

I'd love to know if anyone else has experienced something like this & how they feel about it. Thanks for reading :) xxx
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For questions, suggestions, opinions & comments, feel free to either comment below or email me at:
dollytrolley1994@gmail.com :)