It's been a while!!!

Hello everyone!

Wow, it's been a long time since I was on here last! I've been meaning to write an update for some time now but things have been unbelievably stressful & busy, & I just haven't had time. Alot has happened in the last few months, & I have had alot on my plate. Many things haven't gone as planned & there have been alot of unexpected things that have needed to be dealt with. So this is going to be a bit of a long one today as I update you on what has been happening!

Firstly, a health update. Things haven't been great health-wise, & I've been finding that I'm struggling more as time goes on. I'm finding that most of the time I'm exhausted by simple tasks, & pain will often stop me from doing things. For a while I've been trying to fight off a rather nasty kidney & urinary infection, & have had several courses of strong antibiotics, which haven't helped. My new GP has made the decision to refer me to a urologist, as he feels that this needs to be looked into. One of his concerns is that this could be endometriosis related. Due to the fact that I have already got endo on the outside of my bladder, he is worried that the endo could well have penetrated inside my bladder, & also possibly be spreading to my kidneys & urethral tubes.

I've got an appointment with the urologist in March (it was originally scheduled for this month but it clashed with another appointment). Hopefully this will lead to some answers. Secondly I've been given a referral to pain management. The purpose of this is mainly to discuss other ways that may help me to cope with the pain, such as nerve blocks, acupuncture & therapies. From a medication point of view, my GP & myself are happy that I am managing my medications fine, as even though I am on alot of very strong painkillers, that I know what works for me.

I've also been put back under the care of the bowel team, for further investigations & possible treatment. During the colonoscopy I had a few months ago, it was found that the endo had penetrated into my bowel. More tests are needed to see if there are any other problems lurking, & decisions need to be made on the best course of action.

In myself, as I said before, things seem to be taking it's toll. I've noticed my stomach hurts more, & this urinary/kidney infection has been taking its toll. Simple tasks tire me out & I often need to sleep for long periods of time.

As for a general life update, things have been pretty hectic. Sadly, for several reasons, me & my man had the hard decision of postponing the wedding. Because neither of us are very well, it was too much strain to deal with at the moment & we both decided to wait until things have calmed down. However we're still very happy together & I still feel very lucky to have him in my life.

Christmas was a very busy & stressful time. Over the actual Christmas period, we had a lovely week up North with my family, & visited all of our family members as well as making lots of memories. Christmas day was particularly important this year, as it was probably the last Christmas I would get to spend with my Granddad.

The big stressful part came after that week- we had to go & spend 2 weeks with my mans family, which neither of us enjoyed. I won't say much about it but needless to say there are certain things that really wound us both up, & some people need to realise that they are not the only ones with lives to lead! Much of the visit was tainted by nastiness, backstabbing, arguments & uncalled for behaviour, & getting home was a huge releif!

Now we are in 2015, most people have made their New Years Resolutions (& probably broken them). It sounds strange but this year I didn't make a New Years Resolution. This wasn't through fear of breaking it or not being able to carry it out, but because none of us can forsee what life has in store for us. I just want to be able to take things as they happen. I have plans for things I want to do, obviously, & with a bit of luck they will happen. But as 2014 proved to be unpredictable, I want to be able to just take things as they happen.

So there we have it! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas & here's to a happy new year!!!

Jes xxx

Keeping sane

Hello everyone,

This is just going to be a quick, lighthearted post. We all go through those times when it just seems like life is whizzing past, you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, & everything is rapidly descending into chaos. Yes, that's what I'm feeling like at the moment. We often find in these times that we forget to just take a step back, relax & smell the roses. But most people don't realise what they miss when they don't take the time to just enjoy things. I find that some me-time, an hour or so at the end of the day, keeps me sane in times like this.

My "me-time" usually takes place at night, when I can just relax & put my feet up. It's also the time when I am least likely to be interrupted- my man is playing on the Xbox, my parents are watching telly & my brother is out. It's great. During that time I choose to do things that are just relaxing, don't require much effort & help me to switch off. I have alot of problems sleeping as it is, & find that if I do things before bed that require alot of thought or get me wound up/excited, it makes this worse. These little things keep me sane & give me an escape from the busyness of life:

1) Music- this is such an important thing to me. Some people are often only interested in one or two genres, but I love so many genres & don't restrict myself to just one. I like to explore new artists & just listen to the songs & often find ones that really have alot of meaning. One particular artist who's music I am really loving at the moment is Gotye (for those who don't know who he is, he sang "Somebody that I used to know"). His songs are just so well performed, with meaningful lyrics & very creative backing music. He's certainly not your average popstar- his music isn't full of violence, sex or the other nonsense that modern music is filled with (you certainly wouldn't hear crap such as "Oh my Gosh, look at her butt" in his lyrics). It's very calming & just different. I love the videos too- often very surreal & artistic, but they paint a picture & represent stories. Amazing & really does help me to relax.

2) Pictures of amazing places, animals & generally interesting or funny things- Since I have joined Google+, I have seen some really awesome posts. There is one page in partivcular that I follow called Diply. Whenever I look at my feed, I always see a new picture that makes
me smile- baby animals, flowers, stunning views, cool gadgets. It really brings home just what you could see if you just took a step back for a minute & looked.

3) Small kindnesses- The smallest kind actions mean alot. Whether it's someone holding a door open for you, or an offer of a cuppa, it can really make a world of difference. My lovely man & dad are working hard at the moment to renovate mine & my mans room. I appreciate this so much as the extra storage will be a big help. My mum was lovely enough earlier to make me some proper honey & lemon tea as I still have this yucky cold. The simple act of her saying "Here, I made you this, it will help" really boosted my mood. It's little things like this that restore my faith that people still know how to be kind to others.

4) Crafts & hobbies- I'm not talking clay pigeon shooting or restoring old cars. Because of my poor health I often find I can't do physically demanding activities. I love knitting & often find that it is relaxing as it is so simple & doesn't require huge amounts of concentration. At the moment I am working on a shawl for when it gets cold that I can wrap around my shoulders.

So there we go! Just a few simple little things I can do when I just need to relax. What is your favourite thing that helps you unwind? Comments below or feel free to email me at: dollytrolley1994@gmail.com

Thanks for reading!
Xxx

Ill again, bad news & big plans

Hello everyone,

It's been a while since I last posted, but things have been a bit crazy. This hasn't been the best of months for me- I've been very poorly, we've had some bad news in the family, my bedroom is being renovated & I am now running round trying to organise a wedding. Yes, that's right, I'm getting married- IN A MONTHS TIME! I'll explain this all in a minute as all of this fits together, & you'll be able to understand it more.

So first things first- I really have not been very well at all. This month has been a bad one as my tummy is constantly in pain, I've been having frequent bowel spasms (they hurt so much!) & I've been generally tired & run down. Last week I was having some problems weeing & pain in my kidneys, so I went to the doctor. They found blood in my wee as well as infection so I am now on more antibiotics & possibly need to have some tests (due to the fact that the doc thinks the endo could be causing trouble). To top that off I also have a yucky cold. I had a phonecall from the hospital as I have now been referred to a new bowel specialist (finally). They want me to have a colonoscopy on the 11th of next month to see whats going on in my bowels, so at least that is moving along at last!

Secondly- my bedroom being renovated. I'm really excited about this as me & my other half are getting some lovely fitted wardrobes, a new bed & some nice new furniture. Even though we've had to clear EVERYTHING out of our room (sleeping on an airbed in an empty room makes me feel a bit like a squatter lol), it will be worth it. We've had a good de-clutter & I've gotten rid of lots of old clothes, & it means we will have plenty more storage space. Hopefully it will be finished by Friday so fingers crossed!

Thirdly- the bad news. The whole family is very upset at the moment. At the beginning of the year, my granddad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It was thought that it was treatable, but sadly now they have found a very aggressive cancerous lump at the base of his skull. We've been told that it's unlikely he will last until Christmas. Growing up, I only had one set of Grandparents. My dads parents died when I was a baby so my mums parents had to do the job of 2 sets of grandparents. They are the most amazing, kindest & generous people you could meet, & the fact that we are now going to lose one of them is devastating.

So this leads onto the final thing- a wedding. Me & my other half have been planning to get married for over a year now, but illness & other things have gotten in the way. But now that my granddad is dying, this has given us a wakeup call. I want my granddad at my wedding, & we are going up North on Saturday to see a hotel venue who will do a package. They've told us that all we will need to do is get outfits, the marriage licence, the guest list & the rings sorted. They will do the rest. I am under no illusion that it will be that simple, but the family are all willing to do whatever they can. I had a conversation with my brother & it really bought home why I was doing this- he told me that if I didn't have my granddad there I would be more upset on my wedding day & wouldn't enjoy it as much. He also said that this would be the crowning event of my granddads life & one last happy memory that we would have with him.

My other half agreed with this & we know that this will be the happiest day of our life, made even more important because it's probably going to be my last big life milestone that my granddad will be there for. It won't be easy to pull off but where there is a will, there is a way. I don't want it to be big fat gypsy weddings, & I am not a bridezilla. I don't want it to be one of these days where I am stressing out because my hair isn't perfect or the  napkins are  royal blue instead of sapphire blue. As long as I am married & everyone enjoys themselves, I know it will be a lovely day.

So there you have it. I will be doing regular updates (when I have the time) & with a bit of luck, by the 23rd of next month, I will be married! Thankyou for reading :) xxx

A health update- rather poorly at the moment :(

Hello lovelies,

This post is going to be a health update. This last week I have not been very well. And by not very well I mean being in so much pain & feeling so rotten that some days I haven't been able to do much of anything. Aside from the usual pain from my endometriosis (which has been particularly uncomfortable this week), I've been getting alot of back, joint & muscle pain, been being (WARNING- TMI!) Sick alot, bad diarrhoea, headaches, breathing trouble, & just generally very tired & unwell.

On a slightly different note, I have some updates in regards to getting some of my problems sorted. I saw a hand specialist a couple of weeks ago. Basically, because of the nature of the problems in my arm & the fact that I am generally unwell, they have to be very careful about surgery. He asked me if I would be willing to try another 2 months of hand therapy as
an absolute last-ditch attempt to see if it would work again. Then at my next review if it hasn't worked then they will discuss surgery. I agreed to this, as I appreciate that they don't want to put me at un-necessary risk. They also offered me a cortisone injection on they day, but they weren't surprised that I turned it down. Last time I had one it hurt more than it helped.

I also had an appointment with my GP this week to get referred to a different bowel specialist. She agreed that I definitely needed to see someone else as the first specialist was absolutely no help, so I have been referred to bowel clinic at my local hospital (the previous hospital was about an hour away but was the quickest place I could be seen). She is concerned about the fact that I am getting so many bowel problems, particularly because I am bleeding when I go to the loo. She has also referred me to pain management, who will sort out my medication. I am having bloods done this week to check several things too.

So although I am feeling grotty & horrible this week, I am glad that things are progressing & it's a step in the right direction.

Thankyou for reading & I hope you all have a lovely week :) xxx

The youtube bum-pinching prank... & why it's not funny!

***WARNING- contains some slightly strong language & graphic/upsetting themes***

Hello everyone,

This one is going to be a bit of a rant I'm afraid, but it's on a subject that thousands of people are now extremely pissed off at. As many of you may have seen, a very well-known Youtuber has recently posted a prank video & because of the bad-taste of the prank, it's caused one big blow-up. I am talking about a video where said Youtuber is going round & touching/pinching womens backsides.

He does this by wearing a baggy hoodie with one of his arms concealed inside. The arm of the hoodie is made to look like he has his hand in his pocket. He pretends to ask these women for directions, distracting them. Meantime, he reaches out of the hoodie & pinches the woman's bum, blaming it on passers by. The first woman backs away when she realises, saying "I don't like that". The other women all back away & hurry off. He even has the cheek to try & hug them.

After looking at this youtubers videos, & some of the comments, the general opinion is that, to be honest he is a total arsehole. He treats women like meat (also see his video on adding random girls on instagram then calling them "instawhores"). Sadly, he's amongst the millions of arrogant bastards that treat women like shit & think it's funny.

I am by no means a feminist.  I don't go for all of this burn-your-bra, we-hate-all-men saga. No. But I am a firm believer that women should have the right to be treated with just as much respect as men. As a victim of abuse in the past, I have been physically harmed (badly on several ocassions, some even leaving permanent scarring & damage) & made to feel degraded, worthless & scared by 2 of the men that I had past relationships with (I'll be doing a post soon on abusive relationships). I know how it feels to have my dignity, safety & well-being violated, as well as my feelings & opinions simply dismissed as irrelevant & not worth being heard. Before I met my wonderful fiance, I was convinced I was worthless & that my life really was not worth living. Luckily though, he has shown me differently & now I feel valued & happy.

Part of the problem that women in society face nowadays is that they are branded with vile names over the simplest of things. If a woman wears a short skirt, or shows a little cleavage, she is instantly called a slut or a whore. Men can sleep with as many women as they want & be called "lads" & receive praise from their friends. Yet the minute a girl sleeps with a few men she gets called a tramp, or a dirty slag.

The term "Lad" itself, that men often use just sums up their behaviour- immature, childish & moronic. The men who use this term are the same men who often refer to girlfriends or women as their "bitch" or "wench". Phrases such as "get back in the kitchen" are often said, almost as if women are just worthless skivvies, only good enough to do dirty work. In the same sense, these men talk about "shagging random birds" or "fucking their missus", like they need to prove their masculinity by using vulgar & almost juvenile language & descriptions.

Like I said earlier, I suffered abuse at the hands of 2 ex boyfriends. These men thought it their right to harm me in ways you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Because they were bigger & more powerful than me, I was told to keep my mouth shut, or else. I was told that I had to accept it, & that I deserved to be punished (one of these exes broke three of my ribs for changing my hair colour without his "permission"). They made me feel like whether I liked it or not, they owned me & I just had to accept their behaviour.

On the video in question, another extremely well-known Youtuber posted a very poignant comment. She stated: "I expect my comment is going to get deleted but for the few mins/hours it will get, I'm saying it. It really saddens me that my Daughter is growing up in a world where one day a stranger (male OR female) could touch her without her consent, on a part of her body that is private (in my opinion)  in the name of 'comedy' and then have thousands of other strangers comment on it saying it's fine and she should be Ok with it. Maybe she would find it funny, maybe she would be deeply humiliated. Point is, she'd have no choice. I want my Daughter to have freedom and choices and feel that her body is respected".

This comment bought tears to my eyes. I love watching this particular Youtuber's videos. Her daughter is obviously a well-loved & happy little girl, & her mother is a funny, honest & lovely person who's videos are followed by an army of millions of loyal fans. Although I am not a mother, & may never be due to my health issues, I completely related to this comment. If I had a child it would sicken me to think that they could be victim to inappropriate conduct & made to feel humiliated with no choice, all in the name of a stupid prank.

Of course, there is a flipside too- men can equally become victim to inappropriate & humiliating conduct. A college course that I was briefly enrolled on proved this. Often, the girls would say awful things about men, use vulgar language to brag about sexual experiences, & often try to completely shift blame away from themselves to make them look like victims.

It saddens me to think that there are some vile people who truly believe that they have the right to violate someones privacy. They get off on laughing at peoples misery, & making them feel uncomfortable, acting like that person should just shut up & deal with it. The main reason why this video has upset me so much is because of that sort of behaviour being allowed to happen, & even encouraged. The fact that these women also now have the embarrassment of it being all over Youtube makes it worse so. Even in social situations I have been made to feel like I should think it normal for someone to disrespect me, & it is so unbelievably wrong.

I know that this post will probably have little impact on these so-called "lads" & "pranksters". Some will probably read this & laugh, & maybe even post abusive comments. If they were asked why they behave like this, the response would probably be "Because I can" or "I think it's funny" or "Because the girls I do it to are sluts & would do anything". It's sad really, because they feel the need to assert their dominace & gain respect by humiliation & causing misery to others.

The one main thing I noticed about the girls in this video who were victim to this prank, was
that they were all very similar. They were all wearing short skirts or revealing outfits & had lots of skin on show, they were all wearing lots of makeup with nicely done hair. They all had model-type bodies & were well groomed. He didn't choose to target other women- there were no bigger built women who fell victim to this sick prank. There were no girls that didn't have makeup on, or girls wearing baggy clothes targeted. They were all walking alone, & were good enough to stop & think they were just helping a lost passer-by, blind as to what was going to happen.

The women targeted were probably all just regular women. Some may have boyfriends or husbands, some may have girlfriends or wives. Some may have had children. They may have never experienced sexual contact before. Some might have experienced abuse in the past. Just because they were dressed they way they were, or had certain attributes, they unknowingly were being targeted & having their bums, a private & intimate area, touched, without even being asked or consenting to it.

This typically chauvinistic behaviour is seen as normal amongst like-minded persons. Lots of these men say rape is wrong, yet happily judge & degrade women. This prank is nothing more than sexual assualt. These women were victims, with no knowledge of what was going to happen. I can Imagine that most of them walked away feeling violated & scared, & now have the added humiliation that thousands & thousands of people have watched this awful & disgusting act, & knowing that there are people find it funny.

On a positive note though, as I have been writing this post, I have read that this video has been removed from Youtube. There are so many response videos being put up- many by men, stating how un-funny & appalling this video is. It's people like this youtuber & all of the other so-called "Lads" really let the side down for men. There are so many wonderful, good men in the world. Men who treat women with respect, men who don't feel the need to assert their "masculinity" by degrading & preying on women. Men who have a sense of decency & discipline. I am glad my fiancee is one of these men. There have been so many angry, upset comments from fans. He has been slammed as a "Pervert" & a "Sexual predator". Many have voiced opinions that these women should come forward & have charges pressed. Hopefully some will.

Because the video has also been edited, it is not known just how many women have fallen for this awful prank. It doesn't show any of the women getting angry- but you can almost guarantee that there were women who did get angry. Some of them may have even reacted by giving him a well-deserved slap. Some may have ran away, screamed, cried, gotten extremely scared... we just don't know.

One thing's for sure though, his Youtube career has been compromised, his reputation ruined. He will probably face alot of backlash too- maybe losing friends, angering or disappointing family members, his future relationship chances may be slim, he may even end up with a criminal record (we should hope so too), that will affect future job applications, & so much more. All for the sake of a stupid, mindless & perverted prank.

Thanks for reading everyone. I hope you enjoyed it- feel free to comment below :)

This weeks likes & dislikes

Hello everyone!!!

I am going to hopefully put out a few posts this week on various things, as hopefully I will have plenty of time to just chill this week. Today I am doing a likes & dislikes as it has been long since the last one!

There are alot of things that I am liking at the moment, & a few not so much! So without further ado, here they are :)

Like #1: Music- music is a huge part of my life. There is a song for every mood, every moment & I often wonder how different the world would be if music didn't exist. It has gotten me through the good & bad times, & there have been so many moments when a specific song has just completely summed up how I feel. One particular song that I just love is "Beneath your beautiful" by Labrinth & Emeli Sande. Labrinth's voice especially is incredible (the raspiness literally gives me chills) & the song meaning is fantastic- about being able to see what is really inside. Love it!

Like #2: Hot chocolate- Can't believe summer is over already! The days are getting colder (& wetter!) & already some shops are starting to advertise Christmas stuff! Mental! But seriously, I love hot chocolate. There is nothing better than sitting in front of the telly when it's cold outside, you've got a fluffy onesie on, something good to watch, & a big mug of hot chocolate with cream & marshmallows (calories, yes. But oh-so-yummy). Bliss.

Like #3: Chunky knit jumpers- Again, on an autumny/wintery theme, chunky knitted jumpers are an essential for me. I hate cold weather- I am one of these people who starts shivering at the slightest draught, & the cold affects my joints badly. This year I got a head start & bought myself some really cute, cosy knits. Not only will they keep me warm, they are also bang on-trend (think I'll do a haul post/video on this!) & I have one for every occasion.  My favourite is definitely a long, cream-coloured cable knit jumper-dress that I got on Amazon for the bargain price of £6.99!

Like #4: Home-made goodies- Nothing is more enjoyable than something home-made that you have put the effort into making, & it turning out even better than expected. A few weeks ago I made some preserved lemon & lime wedges (Everything tastes better with a bit of citrus!) & they turned out fantastic. I love putting them on fish, in pasta dishes or even just eaten on their own when you have those middle-of-the-night, only-salty/savoury-will-do cravings!

Like #5: Loom bands- I have become hooked on the latest craze now. For a few quid, there are hours of fun to be had & the colour combinations are endless. One thing I like about this craze is that it is just simple, cheap, creative fun for all ages & you don't have to bust the bank or be a super-creative, Pintrest-worthy genius to make some really pretty creations. I've got loads of colours now & just enjoy sitting & making them when I have a spare moment.

Dislike #1: The current obsession with zombies, apocalypses & the world ending- It's getting to the point where you can't even switch on the TV without there being something zombie/apocalypse/world-ending related. It's doing my head in. Why is everyone so obsessed with miserable, morbid things nowadays?

Dislike #2: The soap storylines- On another TV theme, I have completely stopped watching the soaps. Some of the storylines are just so far fetched & they drag on to the point of being completely unrealistic. Also, why is everyone always so miserable in soapland? No wonder the ratings are dropping.

Dislike #3: Dirty people- There is nothing worse than being on a bus or out in public & being near someone who doesn't wash. I ended up leaving a queue in the supermarket & moving to a different one due to one such person stood in front of me. Also, it really bothers me when you see someone happily coughing & sneezing everywhere without covering their mouth & nose. Yuck!

Dislike #4: Warm, damp weather- I don't know why but lately it seems that the air is constantly all horribly hot & sticky. We haven't had alot of rain so that may be why, but either way it's horrible.

Dislike #5: Judgemental people- This one is based on an incident that happened this week. Not going into detail but someone rather upset me this week. They very rudely said "Oi, you can't use that, it's for disabled people, not just anyone..." whilst I was holding my rather annoyed fiance back (annoyed is an understatement) I politely informed them that in fact I was disabled. Then they turned round & said "Well what's wrong with you? You're not in a wheelchair". So I simply told them that 1) Not all disabled people are in wheelchairs & 2) That I didn't have to justify myself to them or owe them an explanation.  An old man who was watching this turned round to this person & said "I suggest you stop being such an interfering nosy parker & go home & educate yourself. Just because you can't see what's wrong doesn't give you the right to judge". The person needless to say walked very quickly away with a red face & their tail between their legs. I thanked the man & he told me "Don't worry love, some people are just morons". This incident upset me though- it just goes to show how ignorant some people are, & they need to think more before they speak.

So there you have it. Hope you all enjoyed reading. Does anyone have any likes or dislikes they want to share? Post in the comments below :) Have a lovely week :) xxx
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For questions, suggestions, opinions & comments, feel free to post below or email me at:
dollytrolley1994@gmail.com

Endometriosis- an update

Hello everyone,

So as some of you may have seen in previous posts, I had a meeting with the bowel & endo specialist on Wednesday (The same one who during our last meeting was totally unhelpful & was the cause of that very depressing post I wrote after). I did not hold out much hope for this second meeting- & it turns out I was right not to. The only reason I was seeing him was because my GP had written a strongly worded letter telling him that I needed to be treated properly.

I am not a medical professional but I know when I am being fobbed off. He obviously hadn't read the report from my surgery as he commented "Well it can't be the endometriosis causing the problem as we did remove some of it & it obviously hasn't helped". No, they removed a tiny amount for biopsy as it was TOO DANGEROUS to remove more (due to bleeding, my oxygen levels dropping ect). He avoided discussing my questions (such as what treatment is there?) & told me he was just going to refer me back to my GP who could decide my treatment. What a nice, helpful doctor!

So meantime I am stuck with no end of problems, I am not ovulating so I don't even know if I can have kids, I am in constant pain & now have the stress of waiting. I know my GP will not be happy with the way I have been treated by this particular doctor (again!). She has been fantastic through all of this, & I know she will do everything possible to get me the treatment I need. But in the meantime I am still suffering & it isn't fair.

On a more cheerful note at least now I can say that hopefully I will be referred to somewhere that I can actually get treated, & until then I will keep my chin up. I am still pretty poorly from my chest infection, but it is very slowly getting better (finally!) & am just taking each day as it comes.

On a slightly different note I want to say thankyou to someone. I am a member of the Health Unlocked Endometriosis UK support forum. Its basically a page where women who suffer from endometriosis can go to get advice, share experiences & generally support each other. I won't mention names but there is one particular person who I have been chatting to for a while now, & consider her a friend. Every day I always get a message asking how I am & how I am feeling, & its just nice to be able to chat, talk through the ups & downs, & to help eachother out. So thankyou :)

Hope you all have a good week. I'm doing a few new posts this week so watch this space! Thanks for reading! Xxx